Attention Slack-Jawed Shut-ins:

It's time to shift slightly in your chair, scratch your inner thigh, and turn your red-rimmed eyes to a sunnier horizon. Namely, this one:



"Oh Em Eff Gee bro! A totally tasty piece of art for my eyes to fondle!! This is the best day ever!!!!"

I don't want to hurt your head or anything, but your day is about to get way better. By using your special powers of "your parents' internet" and "half-hearted mouse clicking" you can turn this art into clothes.

Just go to the Threadless Muppet Challenge and vote the bejeezus out of my design. That's all you have to do. What do I ever ask of you? I'm sorry if I ask you if you're comfortable too much. I'm sorry if I bother you with my constant love. All I ever wanted was for you to know that you're special. I'll make you a deal: Go work your finger magic and I'll never speak to you again. I thinks that's a train we can all ride on.

NOW GO VOTE.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Makin' it happen

Yeah it's been a little slow around here lately, but there are always some sexy buns in this art oven and, as always, the faithful will be rewarded. Sort of like these guys.

Actually, almost exactly like those guys...

Rapture joke? ✓

But I'm back on track and crackin' so expect to see a few new things popping up soon. Well, don't "expect" per say... Maybe just "secretly long for". I think that's something we can both work with.

Today, on the other hand, you can expect. Mostly because it's already here. Boom, promise fulfilled.

Get the "Goonies" wallpaper here.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Website updated, more love available.

The Paperbeatsscissors.com website has been updated, which means you have no more excuses for not telling every living person you know to go there.

Check out the new downloads page, where all of the swass free wallpeppers I've made are all available for you to download. Look at them! Aren't they cute? All in a row, like some little ducklings. Ducklings made of excellence.

Speaking of which!

Get the "Aquatic Life" wallpaper here.

Since I'm white, young, and artsy, I'm sort of cosmically obligated to enjoy Wes Anderson movies, so here is a little wallpaper for all you other young urban hipsters. Hop on your fixie and tell the world!

Until next time...

A potential future of non-nudity

Just click that link down there. Don't ask questions. CLICK IT. Quick, your time to make the future better is now.



I know you might be worried that if you give this design a high score, you might accidentally be supporting future super-robots that will try to take over the world and enslave mankind. I know, I worry about that too, but you shouldn't let that stand in the way of your happiness NOW.

As added incentive, here's a delicious desktop wallpaper version of the design for you, the faithful reader.

Get the "Sorry Dave" wallpaper here.

Not only will this wallpaper make your computer look amazing, it is almost definitely not carrying a secret virus woven intricately into the pixels designed to someday allow a powerful robotic consciousness access to your most secret of secrets.

HAHA! Why would that even matter? Clearly, it is a fallacy. I, as always, am hilarious.

Until next time...

More free things!

Holy ess! More free things?!?! I must be crazy!

Ha ha! Just kidding. I am totally not crazy. A crazy person would promise you a free thing and then give you a half-eaten slipper or a dirty diaper. When I promise you a free thing it definitely will not be a half-eaten slipper, and usually will not be a dirty diaper.

That's the kind of behavior you can expect from Paperbeatsscissors, where our only sanity issues are being insanely generous, insanely awesome, and insanely sexy.

And speaking of insanely sexy, check out THESE:



You can stop searching around for the free item I mentioned, because it's right above this sentence.

Eight majorly cool SCOTT PILGRIM folder icons for your Mac. Complete the look with a swass desktop wallpaper, which you can download at scottpilgrim.com.

If you need instructions on how to use the icons you can find them here. Sorry, that's not included in this free gift. I have to make a living somehow.

Enjoy.

Until next time...

PBS