Yeah it's been a little slow around here lately, but there are always some sexy buns in this art oven and, as always, the faithful will be rewarded. Sort of like these guys.
Actually, almost exactly like those guys...
Rapture joke? ✓
But I'm back on track and crackin' so expect to see a few new things popping up soon. Well, don't "expect" per say... Maybe just "secretly long for". I think that's something we can both work with.
Today, on the other hand, you can expect. Mostly because it's already here. Boom, promise fulfilled.
Last weekend I went to Artsfest, which is like an art circus, with corn. There are lots of booths of mostly terrible art, some good art, and lots of food. One of the booths every year is a place that sells organic honey, and they have these magical things called Honey Stix; honey, mixed with other delicious flavors, in a little pixie stick casing. Knowing they were delicious, I bought three and, like a clever badger, I put one in my pocket for later.
Unfortunately for my new-ish pants, I then spent four hours sitting in a coffee shop working on a website. I got up to leave and my spider sense started tingling. "Wait," I said, out loud, to myself, "my butt feels slightly more stickier than usual!" And, upon inserting my hand into my back pocket, I did in fact discover that I had been honeypants'ed.
Then I went home and watched The Wire! Oh, and also made this wallpaper.
Hey! There's another stupid pixel art on TUMBLR. I can't remember who told me about it..... oh wait, yes I can... Bruce "The Batman" Wayne. Maybe you've heard of him.
Ok, it's kind of hard to tell in that picture, but his lips are saying "Go to TUMBLRRRR and look at sexy pixel art."
Yeah Batman. Now I know why you're the world's greatest detective.
BONUS: Haha, I tricked you! You were all, "The title of this post was very misleading, as it is less about white stripes of any kind, and more about Batman and terrible pixel art." Hey, guess what over-the-shoulder reading mom? Sometimes people like a little suspense. Maybe you need to learn a little patience.
Happy 70th post! Oh, wait, you weren't celebrating? Well, that's why we're not friends anymore.
Completely unrelated to the celebration I was having BY MYSELF, here are a few new art pieces based around the idea of a robot manatee.
"That's the best idea you've ever had!!! I am in love with you, and, also, I feel the strong urge to give you large piles of money!"
You're only saying that because you can't see all the nearly one billion and twelve OTHER brilliant ideas that I have chilling together in a hot tub in my brain right now... and because sometimes you say things that I think we all know aren't true. It's time to get help. We all went along with it when you said that one penguin at the zoo was staring at you with "weird" eyes because we felt sorry for you, and also because it was funny. Even though your social disorders are kind of funny, it's time to stop the lies.
Try looking at this truthful manatee art.
I couldn't decide between two styles, so here is a BONUS wallpaper featuring a more different robot manatee.
I went through all the trouble to make this Megaman wallpaper, and now I don't even like it that much.
POOPY! PEE-PEE! POTTY-DOO-DOO!
Here's a secret tip: At Paperbeatsscissors, we don't waste bad artwork. We replace the word "bad" with the word "exclusive". See? You already feel better! You're not sadly picking up half-chewed scraps from the mighty table of my brain - you're getting something special... look, I even carved your name in it! Yeah, well, it's on the back. It doesn't matter anyway. What does matter is, I made it for you. I made it for you while I was composing sonnets in my head about how sexy you are... or at least how sexy I wish you were. Something like this:
Beautiful blabbering babcock, I bestow on you this bodaciously badnificent bauble: Bask in it's bonerocity And begone
Guess what Juicyfruit? Tutti and Fruiti are NOT two separate flavors.The next time you say that a pack of gum contains two FLAVORS, try to remember that flavor and color are two very different things - unless you're a package of Fun Pops.
Are you a package of Fun Pops, Juicyfruit? No, you are gum. That is why I bought you. But I also bought you because you claimed to contain two delicious flavors. If you weren't such a liar, we wouldn't even be having this fight.
Ok, now that that's out of the way, we can get down to some news.
I was going to call it "Series Sexcellent", but series two was shorter. That's it! Eight sexy Star Wars wallpapers. Now ask nothing more of me. You can also download all of the wallpapers HERE.
We all know it's always been your secret dream to be cool. Well, too bad. Nothing you'll find here will make you cool, but it'll make you think that we think you're cool. This is the best, because you're happy, but we can still look down on you. Everyone wins.
Band of Skulls are easily one of the sexiest bands available to your ears right now. They are a three piece rock outfit from Southampton, England. They will rock your socks off, fill your socks with rocks, and then pummel your earholes with rock socks. Metaphorically. Be sure to check them out NOW.
Ok, so I was gone again, but this time I have an actual real reason, and not a completely awesome fake reason.
I've been in London for the past week and a half, and it was awesome. Naturally, I blended in seamlessly. Respect.
BUT since I've been gone for so long, here are three wallpapers that have already been available on my website for a long time! Old gifts! Yes! You might not feel special, but you can't be angry. Mostly because if you had just been a little more self-motivated, you could have had these already. I hope you learned your lesson.
1 Part loading all of my sexy art into my equally sexy Deviantart
2 Parts general laziness
½ Part working on new projects
3 Parts accidentally getting addicted to Breaking Bad and watching 8 episodes in a row
You can see how equally sexy and non-sexy that is. On one hand, I am awesome, and I'm always up to some rapscillatory shenanigans. On the other hand you, my semi-faithful readers are deprived of the cocaine-laced eye candy you so desperately need a taste of.
So, as a reward for not being a traitor, here are the rest of my Starfox wallpapers that I SAVED for you.
Woo! Feeling better? I might have to wipe twice, nay, three times after that art dump. A giant pile of steaming art crap, just for you. Only that crap is made of gold, wrapped in diamonds, and it just did your taxes for you.
Nothing much going on with this post. Just another MIND BENDING wallpaper from the best thing that ever happened to you. Say good morning to the most inspirational thing you've had in front of your eyeballs since "Hang In There" kitty. Are you tired of people calling you "slow", "flaccid", or "Pee-Pants McWhineyboy"? Well then it time to grow some balls.
Or in this case, a mangina.
Download this wallpaper and feel yourself getting mightier with every second its colors are burning into your retinas. Deal with life just like you'd deal with Curly Jefferson.
I have a new role model, and his name is Charlie Sheen. Anyone who can compare themselves to an F-18 or claim to have tiger blood is ok in my book, and, frankly, should be working with me. The policy of this blog has always been, "If you can't stand the heat, then you better get out of the friggin' rays of the resplendent sphere that is my sexiness", and I think you'll agree with me when I say you're dumb if you think otherwise.
Sooooo here's the last wallpaper in the WALLPAPER TRIFECTA series featuring the Postal Service. The final wallpaper: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight. Cue video.
Wow. What a boner-jam. Let's get down to it. I wanted to capture that noice 80s feel from the video, so I did a lot of Googling of 80s fashions. I started by sketching my main girl and then did about seven backup dancers. Have a peek at those sketches:
After all the people were done, I made some buildings and the disco ball in Illustrator, and everything went into Photoshoppe. A custom scatter brush for the lights and some sexy font, and you got yourself a stew goin'. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out:
Get the "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" wallpaper here.
DOUBLETIME! This design is also on the fast track to becoming a tee shirt on Threadless. That is, it will be after you go vote for it nine times. Don't you want to wear this on your chest? Get out there and make something happen.
I was totally going to post this second wallpaper in the WALLPAPER TRIFECTA series like... five days ago, but last Wednesday I accidentally put "Whip My Hair" on repeat on my iTunes, and I've been whipping my hair back and forth the whole time. I didn't even shower, and I think I have some kind of neck condition now, so you really should be feeling sorry for me instead of judging me.
As promised, here is the second wallpaper in the series.
I wanted to capture the 60s feel of the video, and also the post-apocalyptic theme of the song. I also liked the bikes. That part makes me all tingly. So, I finally decided to draw a monster family riding bikes through the desert. Most of this one was done in Illustrator, so I did some fairly rough sketches and just scanned them in. Here are the originals:
After I scanned the sketches, I cleaned them up and changed the faces (some a little, some a lot) and adjusted the perspective on each one. After the characters were done, everything went to Photoshop so I could make it look all nubbly.
Enjoy, the final wallpaper will be posted sometime in the next week.
Gotta keep you on your toes.
Get the "We Will Become Silhouettes" wallpaper here.
The ferocity! The tenacity! The audacity! Prepare to feel the white-hot heat of boss-ness, in conjunction with the velvety-softness of knowledge enter your eye holes!
