Art

Get the "Forest Guide" wallpaper here.

¡Paper!

Goldfresh

Yeah, just a goldfish liking something. But you can get the wallpaper here.

Still freaky

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Keepin' it real...

Oh snap. Looks like it just got phresh to deth in here.

Download the wallpaper!

Paperbeatsscissors + Science = Magic

Eff bomb! Through the power of Internet, it has been revealed to me that last weeks post was accidentally SUPER SCIENTIFIC!

Turns out, there's actually such a thing as a Ghost Shark. Science! You crafty curmudgeon! You're always sneaking sciency things on me. That's why I love you.

I decided to ask Google if it had seen a Ghost Shark lying around, and this is what I found:



I know...

With a name like GHOST SHARK, I guess I expected it to be a little more... uh... creepy. Instead, it just kind of looks like this ye olde fashioned Bugs Bunny drawing.



What's the deal, Ghost Shark? Why are you so wacky? You should be out there being ultra-creepy... or at least slightly translucent. You are lame, Ghost Shark.

Using more science, and a post-it note I had on my desk, I generated this anatomically correct drawing of what the REAL Ghost Shark would look like. Knowledge, next to a good offense, is the best defense.



Man, this blog is so full of knowledge it's like some kind of knowledge piñata just waiting to be hit with the baseball bat that is your computer screen, spilling its delicious content all over your greedy brain. Yum.

Until next time...

PBS

Halloweeners

Guess what? Halloween's almost here!

Yes! Another excuse to eat candy!

In recognition of, what some people would call "the devil's birthday" and what others might call "not a real holiday", I'm offering this ultra ripe desktop wallpaper for download! Cower!

Get the "Where is Thy Sting?" wallpaper here.

Oh man, I just realized I accidentally used an exclamation mark on every sentence in that pre-wallpaper text up there. This post was supposed to be eerie, but now it just looks exciting. You're just going to have to pretend that the exclamation marks are because I'm yelling to you from somewhere in the bowels of some super-sketchy old house in kind of a freaked-out way. And instead of "Download this excellent free wallpaper!" I might be yelling something like, "Don't come down here!" or, "I can't feel my legs!"

And then, it would help if you imagined that you didn't listen to me, but instead followed my haunting screams into said sketchy house, and that you didn't tell anyone where you were going. You think you hear some weird noises, but that was probably just the wind creaking. You're descending the smelly stairs, following the faint sound of my voice, when suddenly the stair breaks right underneath your foot!

Now your leg is stuck. Awesome.

Suddenly you hear heavy breathing, and Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable" starts playing. The distinct smell of low tide fills your nostrils. You look behind you and, to your utter horror, you see the semi-translucent smile of a big... giant...

GHOST SHARK!

And he doesn't have fins like a regular shark, he has like... crab hands... and in those crab hands, he's carrying one of those creepy old baby dolls that goes to sleep when you lean it backwards. He also has a bowl cut.

...And an eye patch.

You try to scream, but you just pee your pants, and maybe poop a little bit too. And as you sit there, he just stares at you with his one, soulless, beady eye, as if to say, "Ha! I know you can't move! I will devour you at my leisure, saving your tender parts for last!"

Can you feel his steely gaze!? It bores into your very soul! It eats crumbly things in the bed of your heart! Fear the GHOST SHARK! Fear him!

Ha. NOW you're creeped out. I'm sorry if you actually did poop and/or pee your pants back there. That can happen when your mind is so entranced.

Until next time...

PBS

News again.

Well, I'm back from my swass trip to Portland, OR and subsequent roadtrip to Tawas MI. We saw many awesome things, and I, personally, did much awesome repping for PBS. Based on the complicated and scientific research I did, I created this infographic:



It's not hard to find people who love beards. It's not hard to find people who wear shirts. So you can imagine what people were saying when they came to me saying "Oh man, I totally wish I could have a beard ON a shirt. That would be so the bee's knees!"

And I would say "Oh yeah? Check this out..." and tear off my boring, plain shirt that is cleverly concealing the much more baller Mountain Man tee.

Well, actually, people were saying NOTHING because they were busy getting a fresh pair of undies after soiling, in excitement, the ones they were currently wearing.

That being said, we really haven't sold any more shirts. So come on people... your future called, and it said you suck.

In conclusion, here's a valuable tip I received on my trip:



You've been warned.

Until next time...

PBS

Aim for failure, so you can always succeed!

That's our new motto at paperbeatsscissors, especially in the blog department.

I haven't done any music recordings yet, but I promise I'll have one by the end of the week. Even if it's terrible! In fact, just to be safe, I promise a terrible recording by the end of the week.

There I go, setting myself up for success again. Man, I'm good.

The truth is, my fingers have been busy doing other things. No, not that, just coding the bejebus out of a online lookbook for a top secret client! That, and catching up on Lost... which I am still watching for the same reason I watch a spider drown when I flush it down the toilet. I just want to make sure it's dead.

But, anyway... top secret client. They'll be revealed in a few days, but until then I'll be venturing into some unknown territory... Facebook Apps. So be on the lookout for the paperbeatsscissors App that I'll be developing over the next few weeks.

Until next time!

PBS