Attention Slack-Jawed Shut-ins:

It's time to shift slightly in your chair, scratch your inner thigh, and turn your red-rimmed eyes to a sunnier horizon. Namely, this one:



"Oh Em Eff Gee bro! A totally tasty piece of art for my eyes to fondle!! This is the best day ever!!!!"

I don't want to hurt your head or anything, but your day is about to get way better. By using your special powers of "your parents' internet" and "half-hearted mouse clicking" you can turn this art into clothes.

Just go to the Threadless Muppet Challenge and vote the bejeezus out of my design. That's all you have to do. What do I ever ask of you? I'm sorry if I ask you if you're comfortable too much. I'm sorry if I bother you with my constant love. All I ever wanted was for you to know that you're special. I'll make you a deal: Go work your finger magic and I'll never speak to you again. I thinks that's a train we can all ride on.

NOW GO VOTE.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Nerd break

Or rather, a break from being a nerd.

This is actual regular art. I know, it's weird for me to not be wasting my time drawing video game characters or ANOTHER Star Wars thing, but I gotta make them Benjamins somehow.



Detail



Fresh new art coming soon! You won't have to suffer through all this boring stuff too much longer.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

New news, that is also late!

Yes, this news is new. It's lateness, however, is old. Almost three weeks old in fact.

I'm sorry. I can't help it that I'm very busy creating excellence with every magical breath I take. The updates you see in this blog are the only physical evidence of my very short breaks in a daily schedule that consists of sketching, Internet, fighting wizards, feeding orphans, more sketching, work, rocking babies, and loving America. If doing all that is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Also, why do you hate America and babies?

Anyway, here's the news:



YES! The Most Excellent and Revered KYOUTAN TOCHI tee is now available to buy. Buy it now, and feel its ancient voodoo wrapping your torso in a soft, fluffy layer of enchantment.

Shirt features:

• Tradition: Imagine you were eating Ramen Noodles while riding Godzilla, dressed as a Sailor Moon character and wearing a Samurai helmet when you get a call on your Gatchaman wristwatch and find out you've just won ten jillion yen. This shirt is still better.


• Loveable Characters: Alice and the Cheshire Cat, but not boring anymore.
  


• Possible Magic Powers?: I think I accidentally trapped the spirit of a Ronin in a few of these shirts, so they may or may not have the secret urge to avenge the death of their master.
  

How could you not want this shirt? Are you stupid? You might not think so, but if you find yourself without the unbearable urge to buy a Kyoutan Tochi tee, you may, at the very least, have some stupid trapped in your brain.

You might want to take care of that now, because the longer it's in there, the bigger it's going to get. Pretty soon you'll have to find some scientists you can shrink down, put in a tiny submarine, and inject directly into your fatty tissue so they can go find the source and laZer it out.

Plus, you don't want to have to worry about them bumping into something important while they're in there, and for the rest of your life every time someone says the word "broccoli" you pee your pants.

Wouldn't just buying a tee be much easier? I think so.

Until next time,

NEWS: Tee sales up! Your coolness level still dangerously low

Yes! I'm happy to report that tee sales for the Mountain Man tee have doubled!

Unfortunately, doubling zero still equals nothing.

Ha! I jest! I jest you! I also test you. The T and J are interchangeable in that sentence. A true friend of PBS would have known that we have sold many shirts; almost too many to count. Especially if you can only count to 12.

Here's the problem: I still have a lot of shirts in my closet. Actually what I mean is, here's the GOOD NEWS: There is still SO much sexy love waiting to be spread, like a delicious cinnamon butter, on the Pillsbury bun hearts of your friends, that my lowly closet can no longer contain it's righteousness.

There's really only one thing standing between your friends and the happiest day of their lives:

You.

Why do you hate your friends so much? They have just as much a right to be happy as you do, even though they can't leave the house without supervision. Maybe you just don't want them to surpass your coolness level. Ok, I get it... I think we've all been there. But let's face it, you weren't very cool to begin with, and the longer you deprive other people of joy, the smaller and more shriveled your heart becomes. What's next? Hitting puppies with a rake? Punching grandmas? It's a slippery slope.

Maybe you're just doubting the power of the Mountain Man. Well, I don't want to drop names, but Internet gave me this picture, and I think it'll squelch those thoughts out of your brain.



Until next time...

PBS

Rep 'til you drep!

Now that we're living in the future, I can get pictures of people repping sweet PBS gear without the hassle of having to talk to them or mail things. We have sold some shirts. Not a million... but some.

"Wait, these shirts are even more awesome and manly than a bear with a cat.... or, better yet, a bearcat. Why haven't you sold a million?"

That's the exact question you, and all your friends and family, should be asking yourselves. The answer is simple... Laziness. And if you keep spending all your time in the GAP trying to decide between the eggshell polo and the cream-froth polo, you'll never be as wickedly awesome as these people:


Straight from the streets. Just so you know you can feel comfortable wearing your Mountain Man tee anywhere. Even the Vanity Art Battle... or Cavity Art Bath... or wherever.



Man of science, man of strength. No matter what kind of man you are, the Mountain Man tee is the final ingredient that will make all the ladies want to touch you.




A picture is worth a thousand words, and this one is worth two million.

If you send me a picture of you or your cat or grandma repping PBS, you WILL be famous.

Until next time...

PBS

The countdown begins!

Only a few more days before this blog unveils some übergroß projects up in this bizznazz. I've been breaking some serious tail to get some web projects for several super-cool businesses, and the magic it's unleashing even surprised this guy.

But until then, there are few more-finished projects to whet your palate.

Here's a tee design for a conference taking place in Detroit:



Also, don't forget about the NEWEST TEE up on Threadless, straight from the bowels of paperbeatsscissors' awesome belly.



Go vote on it now and all your dreams will come true. Well, all your dreams of helping awesome tees get printed. And I think we both know those are the only dreams of yours that matter.

NEWS FLASH!
Next week, Kyoutan Tochi tees will officially be available at the paperbeatsscissors supreme Etsy Shop. Don't forget to check back for more info!

Until next time!

PBS

Boo!

Scared you, didn't I? Weren't expecting to see me again, were you? Well, you won't get rid of me that easily.

I'll admit it... I've been gone for a while. I made some bold promises the last time I was here... promises that have, as of yet, gone undelivered.

OR HAVE THEY?

I , like the amnesic pizza boy who has suddenly recovered all of his memories after slipping in the bathroom and hitting his head on the toilet bowl, have returned to deliver the pizza of class and quality you, the fine reader, have demanded from me.

OR HAVE I?

Yes. Yes I have. But you have to admit, I had you going for a second.

The Mountain Man shirt is officially FOR SALE! And not the bad kind of "for sale" like what happened to your pet monkey Chee-chee after it got the ape-rage and bit the mailman. This is the good kind of "for sale" that means you can take it home and wear it lovingly forever until it disintegrates on your pale frame and blows away in the wind like some kind of extra-magical dandelion made of rainbows and joy.

And then you can buy another one!

Anyway, here are some screen-shots of the shirt in action. And by some, I mean "a" screen-shot.



Once again, the shirt was printed by those most excellent purveyors of wearable art at Veil Arms Clothing. Love them. Also, you might want to put on sunglasses to help shield your eyes from some of that manliness coming your way.

The shirt is going for a measly $18 + shipping on Etsy. You can even click the handy Etsy Mini link right over there ⇒. But wait! Extra bonus feature! If you can see me in real life and I don't have to get off my rapidly atrophying behind to mail it to you, you can get the shirt for a mere $15. Wow! You didn't even know that kind of benevolence existed.... until today.

Now wipe the tears of joy off your keyboard so you can go show me your appreciation.

On a more personal note: I think I'm turning into a mutant. Either that, or I've had some kind of terrible curse placed on me by the tooth fairy that is making teeth grow all up in my face. This would be ok if I was a shark or something, but it gets hard to eat when you have teeth in your throat. On the upside, I've decided to capitalize on my new powers by applying to the Justice League. There has to be some kind of feisty too-many-teeth mutant niche that has yet to be filled... Now all I need is a terrifying moniker like Sir Chomp-a-lot or Molar Man, some kind of teeth-themed outfit, and I can fight crime until my head eats my face like this guy.

Ugh. Horrifying.

Until next time...

PBS