Victory! Excellence! Respect!

That's right! Three for the price of one! All here, all now. Hot and fresh, like apple pies baked with love and American justice.

Excellence pie number one:

Recently completed project! Hot off the presses, hot on the floor.
This Nintendo controller was tenderly crafted for a youth center using Krylon spray paint, two large pieces of cardboard, packing tape, and the strength of 1,000 eagles.

Took approximately 6 hours.

In other news:

Today was grocery day. I did not want to get groceries, but the majestic forest of wrong smells coming from my fridge told me that if I wanted to eat tonight I had two choices: Go shopping, or enjoy some onion-scented diarrhea. Germs were building lavish seaside condos in my spinach, and I think my milk was trying to grow a face. It took three garbage bags to hold the stench in, so I looked like some kind of terrible, stinky-spinach Santa, who comes to little boys and girls who pee the bed and don't bathe properly.

(Did you feel how festive it just got in here? Is there nothing this blog doesn't offer?)

That might have just been a double negative. If so, add that to the list of things this blog offers.

Here's the good news: On my way to the store I found this gem...


I know it's hard to read since it's written in crayon, but the cardboard sign on the left says "cHilDcaRe". Now, I know what you're thinking... "How can so much vision and success be in one place at the same time?"

Answer: Good old-fashioned American moxie.

This humble picture embodies the soaring spirit of paperbeatsscissors. Do we have fancy, state-of-the-art toys? Do we have technology? Do we follow "health codes"? No. But, what we do have is the chain-link fence of morality, the toilet chair of quality, and the duct tape of love. Yes! Be inspired!

PBS