Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The only gift you will ever love.

Yes, I said it. You were thinking it anyway, so I said it. I predict you will receive the gift of awesome this Christmas... and my prediction just came true. I know you were worried you weren't going to get anything good this year, but paperbeatsscissors has not forgotten you! Put down your flaccid stocking and rejoice, for this is the Christmas that excellence squeezes its fat paunch down your chimney.

Ok... so I didn't actually get you anything... at least, not anything you know about. See, I knew if I got you something you'd feel obligated to buy me something in return, so I saved you a trip to the Wal-Mart and 10 bucks and bought myself a copy of Home Alone on VHS. The VHS has more childhood magic. There's nothing like the Christmas memory of blowing into the VCR slot or unsuccessfully trying to shove the tape in because you didn't realize your brother was playing "black hole" and dropped three Lego families in there first. Ah, the golden cheer. Just let that warm your cockles for a minute.

Ok. Stop warming your cockles. You're freaking me out.

COMING SOON! A huge announcement. Value has just been added to this blog in a way that you can only dream of in your most special dreams. The ones with the bear in the cottage cheese hat that sings 90's pop ballads like Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith, and where your bed is made of cotton candy dumplings. Check back soon.


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