Thursday, September 16, 2010

Identity theft

Something terrible happened. And when I say "something" I'm assuming you were too lazy to read the title of this post.

This is an actual REAL email I got in my paperbeatsscissors Gmail account a few days ago.

From: John

Subject: the tune

Hey Tim,

about 12 sec in is when the stumming starts and the drums and more plugged in sound could start.

lemme know what you think,


ps which address?

I'm going to ignore his grammatical errors and the fact that he spelled my name wrong and focus on the fact that John sent this email to not one, but TWO nearly identical email addresses; one of which was not mine.

Naturally, this raised a lot of questions:

  • Who is this "Tim"? If that's even his name.

  • Why is he so almost awesome?

  • Could he be some sort of Bizarro Chris?

  • Is he looking to invest in a small business that might also be almost his email address?

It's a tough call. There's a slim chance that he's a nice guy. There's a much larger chance that we're already mortal enemies.

I mean, what if he's out there soiling the Paperbeatsscissors name? Instead of making sexy t-shirts and helping old people lift heavy objects, he could be punching babies in the neck or using all the toilet paper and not replacing the roll!

I hope, for his sake, that he's not. Because if he is, he's going to need a life raft to stay afloat on the ocean of sarcastic comments and uncomfortably long stares I'll be sending his way… a life raft that I will subsequently sink with the gnarly shark teeth of my secret loathing.

Tim, if you're even real, do the right thing. Leave Internet. Leave, and never come back.

Until next time…


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