The Last Thing

Attention Slack-Jawed Shut-ins:

It's time to shift slightly in your chair, scratch your inner thigh, and turn your red-rimmed eyes to a sunnier horizon. Namely, this one:



"Oh Em Eff Gee bro! A totally tasty piece of art for my eyes to fondle!! This is the best day ever!!!!"

I don't want to hurt your head or anything, but your day is about to get way better. By using your special powers of "your parents' internet" and "half-hearted mouse clicking" you can turn this art into clothes.

Just go to the Threadless Muppet Challenge and vote the bejeezus out of my design. That's all you have to do. What do I ever ask of you? I'm sorry if I ask you if you're comfortable too much. I'm sorry if I bother you with my constant love. All I ever wanted was for you to know that you're special. I'll make you a deal: Go work your finger magic and I'll never speak to you again. I thinks that's a train we can all ride on.

NOW GO VOTE.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Plug Disguise, Royal Shell

Nil Prediction

Exercise, slacking, exercise

No posts, then, today, a post. It's a good month.

So, since I've been busy with much website building, I've had to slim and trim my art production slightly. I'm taking the time to start a (hopefully) ongoing exercise called Two Random Words. I know what you're thinking... what could this POSSIBLY be about?

Well, it's simple. Two words. One sketch. NO EXCUSES.

I jest. If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that it is full of delicious, meaty excuses. And I'm sure there will be many more. Especially since the idea here is to create one sketch EVERY DAY. HOLY CRAP. I'm already feeling sleepy and getting a strong urge to go watch the X-Files for 4 hours. I guess I'll just have to use this blog to keep me accountable...

Man, I'm on a roll today.

Here are the past two days of Two Random Words, since I couldn't be bothered to post anything yesterday.

CORN STABILITY



CUT INDICATING



Until next time...

¡Paper!

Is this thing on?

Looks like Blogger finally got their act together and let me log in to my blog. I have to pretend I'm mad, and not secretly happy, that they gave me an excuse to not post anything for a week. BUT, your patience paid off, because you get a bonus color choice for a wallpaper I already posted.

Get the "God Made Me Do It" wallpaper here.

If you want the BLUE VERSION, go get it.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Makin' it happen

Yeah it's been a little slow around here lately, but there are always some sexy buns in this art oven and, as always, the faithful will be rewarded. Sort of like these guys.

Actually, almost exactly like those guys...

Rapture joke? ✓

But I'm back on track and crackin' so expect to see a few new things popping up soon. Well, don't "expect" per say... Maybe just "secretly long for". I think that's something we can both work with.

Today, on the other hand, you can expect. Mostly because it's already here. Boom, promise fulfilled.

Get the "Goonies" wallpaper here.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Art

Get the "Forest Guide" wallpaper here.

¡Paper!

The Wire, honeypants

Last weekend I went to Artsfest, which is like an art circus, with corn. There are lots of booths of mostly terrible art, some good art, and lots of food. One of the booths every year is a place that sells organic honey, and they have these magical things called Honey Stix; honey, mixed with other delicious flavors, in a little pixie stick casing. Knowing they were delicious, I bought three and, like a clever badger, I put one in my pocket for later.

Unfortunately for my new-ish pants, I then spent four hours sitting in a coffee shop working on a website. I got up to leave and my spider sense started tingling. "Wait," I said, out loud, to myself, "my butt feels slightly more stickier than usual!" And, upon inserting my hand into my back pocket, I did in fact discover that I had been honeypants'ed.

Then I went home and watched The Wire! Oh, and also made this wallpaper.

Get the "Omar" wallpaper here.

I want to Google honeypants, but I'm a little scared of what will come up. Oh well, maybe another day.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Nerd break

Or rather, a break from being a nerd.

This is actual regular art. I know, it's weird for me to not be wasting my time drawing video game characters or ANOTHER Star Wars thing, but I gotta make them Benjamins somehow.



Detail



Fresh new art coming soon! You won't have to suffer through all this boring stuff too much longer.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Working up a sweat

So much quality, so little time. But everything has to end eventually.

Here's the LAST DEF STAR wallpaper. So hold it extra long in your tender arms.

Get the "DEF STAR: Palpatine" wallpaper here.

That's what she said.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

DEF STAR 2, Behancing

Whoops! I joined Behance... how did that happen? I must have accidentally pressed the "Excellence" key on my keyboard.

So, while you're not checking that out, here's the second DEF STAR wallpaper: Darth Vader.

Get the "DEF STAR: Vader" wallpaper here.

Always delivering, mofos. Always delivering.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Celebrate Star Wars day

What's that? Do more Star Wars art? Well, it's your lucky day.

This fake holiday is the perfect day to kick off a new series of Star Wars wallpapers. Enjoy...

DEF STAR 1/3: STORM TROOPER!!!

Get the "DEF STAR: Trooper" wallpaper here.

Come back tomorrow and other tomorrow to get the other two in this series.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

White Stripes, other things

Hey! There's another stupid pixel art on TUMBLR. I can't remember who told me about it..... oh wait, yes I can... Bruce "The Batman" Wayne. Maybe you've heard of him.



Ok, it's kind of hard to tell in that picture, but his lips are saying "Go to TUMBLRRRR and look at sexy pixel art."

Yeah Batman. Now I know why you're the world's greatest detective.

BONUS:
Haha, I tricked you! You were all, "The title of this post was very misleading, as it is less about white stripes of any kind, and more about Batman and terrible pixel art." Hey, guess what over-the-shoulder reading mom? Sometimes people like a little suspense. Maybe you need to learn a little patience.

Get the "White Stripes" wallpaper here.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Rarities, oddities, afternoon teas

Happy 70th post! Oh, wait, you weren't celebrating? Well, that's why we're not friends anymore.

Completely unrelated to the celebration I was having BY MYSELF, here are a few new art pieces based around the idea of a robot manatee.

"That's the best idea you've ever had!!! I am in love with you, and, also, I feel the strong urge to give you large piles of money!"

You're only saying that because you can't see all the nearly one billion and twelve OTHER brilliant ideas that I have chilling together in a hot tub in my brain right now... and because sometimes you say things that I think we all know aren't true. It's time to get help. We all went along with it when you said that one penguin at the zoo was staring at you with "weird" eyes because we felt sorry for you, and also because it was funny. Even though your social disorders are kind of funny, it's time to stop the lies.

Try looking at this truthful manatee art.



I couldn't decide between two styles, so here is a BONUS wallpaper featuring a more different robot manatee.

Get the "Megamanatee" wallpaper here.

Yeah baby.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

One more thing for you to not care about

Hey guess what, ungrateful people. I got a Tumblr.

For two reasons:

One - Apparently, some people can't be bothered to mosey on over to Blogger and care about important things like baby dolphins and world peace. I know it's not the right thing to do, but I'm catering to their laziness. I'm hoping my motherly love will help them see the error of their ways... or at least that my motherly look of soft tenderness and disappointment will guilt them into paying attention to me.

Two - Rather than posting a pixel art every three seconds, the Tumblr will be PIXEL EXCLUSIVE. I guess I'm just too prolific to have room for my barrels of mage-like art on one blog.

SO, there is a NEW pixel art over there right now. Yes! Right now! It's there! Go look at it!

TUMBLRRRRR

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Blogsclusive: Blue Bomber Desktop!

I went through all the trouble to make this Megaman wallpaper, and now I don't even like it that much.

POOPY! PEE-PEE! POTTY-DOO-DOO!

Here's a secret tip: At Paperbeatsscissors, we don't waste bad artwork. We replace the word "bad" with the word "exclusive". See? You already feel better! You're not sadly picking up half-chewed scraps from the mighty table of my brain - you're getting something special... look, I even carved your name in it! Yeah, well, it's on the back. It doesn't matter anyway. What does matter is, I made it for you. I made it for you while I was composing sonnets in my head about how sexy you are... or at least how sexy I wish you were. Something like this:

Beautiful blabbering babcock,
I bestow on you this bodaciously badnificent bauble:
Bask in it's bonerocity
And begone

Oh man... Like a shining unicorn tear.

Get the "Blue Bomber" wallpaper here.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Your argument is invalid

Darth Vader riding a Yoshi.

Where is your god now?

More feelings

Mostly anger and betrayal right now...

Guess what Juicyfruit? Tutti and Fruiti are NOT two separate flavors.The next time you say that a pack of gum contains two FLAVORS, try to remember that flavor and color are two very different things - unless you're a package of Fun Pops.

Are you a package of Fun Pops, Juicyfruit? No, you are gum. That is why I bought you. But I also bought you because you claimed to contain two delicious flavors. If you weren't such a liar, we wouldn't even be having this fight.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, we can get down to some news.

DROID FEELINGS: SERIES DOS!!!!!!!

Get the "Gonk Droid Feelings" wallpaper here.

Get the "R5D4 Feelings" wallpaper here.

Get the "IG-88 Feelings" wallpaper here.

Get the "C-3PO Feelings" wallpaper here.

I was going to call it "Series Sexcellent", but series two was shorter. That's it! Eight sexy Star Wars wallpapers. Now ask nothing more of me. You can also download all of the wallpapers HERE.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Band name, band name

We all know it's always been your secret dream to be cool. Well, too bad. Nothing you'll find here will make you cool, but it'll make you think that we think you're cool. This is the best, because you're happy, but we can still look down on you. Everyone wins.

Here's one more thing that won't make you cool.

Get the "Band of Skulls" wallpaper here.

Band of Skulls are easily one of the sexiest bands available to your ears right now. They are a three piece rock outfit from Southampton, England. They will rock your socks off, fill your socks with rocks, and then pummel your earholes with rock socks. Metaphorically. Be sure to check them out NOW.

Until next time...

¡Paper!

Wholly Crap!

just got real up in this bizzzzzzatch!

My Droid Feelings posters are now on Buzzfeed! I know! You've never been so sexually attracted to a robot before. At least, not since you saw Blade Runner.

So, apparently, all you have to do to become famous is make something related to Star Wars. But, who am I kidding? Fame is fame. Does it matter that I'm some kind of hideous fame suckerfish, riding with my limp lips attached to the strong whale-like chest of Star Wars?

Nah.

Actually, maybe this means I'll get to be a Jedi. About time.

Until next time...

Droid Feelings

I swear I'm going to talk about something interesting soon, but until soon happens, you'll just have to be happy with this mound of sexy art.

Eff bomb! New series!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!1!1111!1!!!!!!

These are the droids you're looking for! Express your feeble human emotions with these new wallpapers from Paperbeatsscissors.

If you'd rather download the pack of four, checkum out here.

Get the "Probe Droid Feelings" wallpaper here.

Get the "Battle Droid Feelings" wallpaper here.

Get the "R2D2 Feelings" wallpaper here.

Get the "MSE-6 Feelings" wallpaper here.

Until next time...

Treats!

Ok, so I was gone again, but this time I have an actual real reason, and not a completely awesome fake reason.

I've been in London for the past week and a half, and it was awesome. Naturally, I blended in seamlessly. Respect.

BUT since I've been gone for so long, here are three wallpapers that have already been available on my website for a long time! Old gifts! Yes! You might not feel special, but you can't be angry. Mostly because if you had just been a little more self-motivated, you could have had these already. I hope you learned your lesson.

Pokémon!

Get the "Charmander Starter" wallpaper here.

Get the "Bulbasaur Starter" wallpaper here.

Get the "Squirtle Starter" wallpaper here.

Catch them all. HA.

Until next time...

Kind of forgot this was here...

Sorry about that.

Here's the Paperbeatsscissors recipe for failure:

• 1 Part loading all of my sexy art into my equally sexy Deviantart



• 2 Parts general laziness



• ½ Part working on new projects



• 3 Parts accidentally getting addicted to Breaking Bad and watching 8 episodes in a row

You can see how equally sexy and non-sexy that is. On one hand, I am awesome, and I'm always up to some rapscillatory shenanigans. On the other hand you, my semi-faithful readers are deprived of the cocaine-laced eye candy you so desperately need a taste of.

So, as a reward for not being a traitor, here are the rest of my Starfox wallpapers that I SAVED for you.

Art dump! Woo!

Get the "Falco In Space" wallpaper here.

Get the "Time For Payback" wallpaper here.

Get the "Slippy In Space" wallpaper here.

Get the "Get This Guy Off Me" wallpaper here.

Get the "Peppy In Space" wallpaper here.

Get the "Barrel Roll" wallpaper here.

Woo! Feeling better? I might have to wipe twice, nay, three times after that art dump. A giant pile of steaming art crap, just for you. Only that crap is made of gold, wrapped in diamonds, and it just did your taxes for you.

You're welcome.

Until next time...

Pray for Japan

Need I say more?

Donate

Get the "Japan" wallpaper here.

Until next time...

Fox McCloud Wallpapers

Am I the only one who played a lot of Starfox as a kid?

I hope not.

Get the "Fox In Space" wallpaper here.

Get the "I'm On My Way" wallpaper here.

Until next time...